I Want…

Middle age is not for the faint of heart. My dearest friend and I have stated this numerous times in the last year. Why so slammed now? Why does everything feel huge and misplaced and unfair and wrong? Why do I not feel heard? Was life easier in my 30s or 40s? I turned 50 this year. I’m not where I think I thought I’d be, but is that a negative place? Does it feel negative because of my frame of mind and heart?

I am 50 and I want to own my age. What does that look like? For me, it involves being true to my core. It means considering my actions and where my motivation comes from. To that end, I created a list of desires that will steer me onward and upward. I used the prompt ‘I want’ to frame my daily life. Is this something that falls into my wants? Do my relationships, activities, and conversations feed my soul? I share my wants with you and encourage you to write your list. It is freeing and empowering!

I Want

I want to be seen as powerful.
I want to be confident.
I want to sit at a table and be recognized for who I truly am.
I want to be badass.

I want to be respected for my age.
I want my life experience to speak for job experience.
I want to give my talents.
I want to be acknowledged for my contribution.
I want my knowledge to be relevant and affirmed.

I want to speak volumes in specific words.
I want to be judged by what I say and not what people perceive.
I want people to know that what I say is what I mean.
I want people to ask and listen and attempt to understand.
I want to ask and listen and attempt to understand.
I want to own my choices and be affirmed for changing them.
I want to be right.
I want to be humble.
I want to be understood.
I want to understand those close to me.
I want to understand how I can equip and connect with those that I support.

I want my house to be a welcome place.
I want people to know my son and daughter.
I want my kids to be excited to leave.
I want my kids to want to come home.
I want my kids to want to bring their kids home.
I want to provide.

I want to protect my heart.
I want someone to know me.
I want to trust.
I want to be trusted.
I want to be confided in.
I want to be loved.
I want honesty and transparency.

I want someone to reach out.
I want to reach out and support.
I want support not to feel like reciprocity.
I want support to feel like kindness and warmth.
I want help.
I want help without questions.

I want to be the person for my tribe that is quietly passionate and loudly supportive.
I want people to know my story.
I want to know my people’s story.
I want my circle to feel like they can share their story.
I want to be a conscious and careful advocate.

I want to be different.
I want to be the same.
I want to understand.
I want to be alone.
I want to be forgiven.
I want people to be still.
I want to move forward.

I want my wake to be that I was honest and loving and true.

By His Grace

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