I feel like I am in a season of constant change; like I cannot keep my finger pressed down and on the pulse of my life. Life, for the last two years, as I have known it and planned it, has wrangled itself away from me and now I find myself in a place of vulnerability as I watch to see what comes next.
I like to be in control, I like to see the trajectory of my life. I trust in conversations and experiences and believe they are experienced with good intent and the purest of hearts. So the feeling of being unsure of what the future holds for me is unsettling. I believe what people say when they say it. And in turn I say what I mean and mean what I say. So, when something changes, something unexpected happens, yet another curve ball is launched, or I am surprised by a change in relationship or direction, I question, a lot.
I tend to hold my experiences and beliefs close, I move through life with them in mind, I trust my past to deliver my future. I reflect and consider and make decisions and enter relationships based on what I have learned from the past. But sometimes, that does not serve me well. Sometimes, I find myself scratching my head at a situation or moving through something that I never saw coming because I relied on my past experiences and understanding and assigned them to a current experience, where they did not belong.
I have always been intrigued by the Israelites and their journey through the desert to get to the Promised Land. One of my favorite parts is when they are being led by Joshua and they are finally ready to actually enter the Promised Land. The older generation has passed away and the new, under Joshua’s leadership, is finally ready to take possession of the land. Now, as they had traveled those forty years in the desert, their constant had been the Ark of the Covenant. It was their guiding force. When they would break camp, it was their center, they walked in formation around it, they set it up in a specific manner, they camped around it in a specific manner, it always went before them and they were always very close to it. It was their experience. They followed it and trusted it and relied on it. But as they were preparing to cross the Jordan, the instruction changed slightly. In Joshua 3:4-5 it says, ‘But keep a distance of about 1,000 yards between yourselves and the ark. Don’t go near it, so that you can see the way to go, for you haven’t traveled this way before. Joshua told the people, “Consecrate yourselves, because the LORD will do wonders among you tomorrow.”’
This was a critical point for the Israelites, a huge portion of their history had come to an end and the beginning of a new history, an unknown history, was about to begin and it required a different method or movement. It required them to move, just slightly away from what they knew and held on to in order to give them a different perspective. They needed a different and clear line of sight.
As I forge in this new season and things continue to change and surprise me, mostly because much of my life is new territory, it requires my utmost faith. I need to distance myself from my previous knowledge, separating just enough so I am clear to see a new path and direction. I need to separate from previous desires, expectations and experiences, so I can be open and have a clear line of sight into what God has now. I read the following the other day and it resonated to my core: “Faith is the daring of the soul to go farther than it sees”.
Life throws us curve balls. Things change. What we think is going to happen sometimes does not. People exercise their free will and it can be shocking. The deeper we are in the midst of something when it changes, the harder the transition out can be. However, if we trust, and clear enough of the muck to gain a line of sight, imagine what wonders will happen. Although I may feel out of control and in a time of unsettled understanding, that does not change my unwavering hope for the wonders that will inevitably appear when God is involved.
‘As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.’ -Psalm 71:14
By His Grace